"You can observe a lot by watching." -Yogi Berra

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The Real China: Conclusion

The ultimate travel fantasy is not to any place, but to the foreign country of the past, to see the people who lived in one’s home country and culture in their shockingly ancient yet familiar form. The language could be understood and the traditions recognized, but the words used and the way people were would be the most fascinating difference.

My desire to see China was not a longing to live in another hemisphere where the people’s faces looked different and they lived in more exotic architecture. I wanted to see China because I wanted to see what it was like to be human without being a modern American. I wanted life without the restraints of American assumptions. All of our culture and language has a precedent, and I wanted to be in a society that had grown from different roots.

Would the people’s facial expressions and voices be the same as I was used to- in general- only substituting strange-sounding words? Would I feel a natural connection with people and make friends across cultural barriers? Would I feel at home away from home? Would I find my niche? How would things feel differently from the way I had always assumed the world was?

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Going to China was not just time spent abroad, a résumé highlight or adventurous gap year. It was life lived among people with completely different hearts, minds, and habits. Things overlapped, as human customs everywhere will, but in colloquial terms these people had no interest in football tailgates, processed foods, hip-hop music, or the American dream. (Well, if you want to be difficult, many Chinese families do dream of sending a child to America for college, and it seems as if as many Chinese as possibly can do emigrate out of China into whatever clean and wealthy country they can get into, with America traditionally at the top of that dream list, but that is not to say that the typical person in urban or semi-urban China conceives of life in American terms.)

In many ways, it was a relief to be there, and I savored the luxuries of Chinese life. By that I mean it was a luxury to find reprieve from the cultural nuisances I lived with in America. In China, the people might have had loud phone conversations in small, public spaces (e.g. the elevator or taxi cab) but my brain had no idea what they were saying. I did not have to involuntarily eavesdrop the way I do with all the rude, sometimes scandalous private conversations I overhear in America.

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Another great thing, I only had a guest spot in Chinese society, so it did not stress me to hear people boast about their status. I had no idea, again, what it meant when they advertised the name of their university or the corporation they worked for. “Good for you,” I would tell them without envy. No one I met in China really had what I wanted, so proclamations of personal success rolled off me like water off a…Peking duck before it was killed and roasted- when it had water-wicking feathers, that is.

My acquaintances were not pursuing the American dream- a big house in the suburbs with a big yard, big cars, big salary, and big retirement fund- they were after the Chinese dream- moving to a big, crowded city with job opportunities at mostly depressing jobs, living in a dingy apartment, having one male child, having a foreign car that was inconvenient to park and dangerous to drive, and either getting rich from a non-stop work schedule or from Communist Party funds. I did not want what the Chinese were after, so it made it easy for me to shrug off the competition.

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I also savored being around young people who tried to dress in a youthful way rather than an older, sexier way, whose appearance was modest in that they wore simple clothes that covered rather than showed off their bodies, modest in that their attitudes and actions were carefree and without worldly cynicism. The people did not often assert themselves and their identity. In China, when an authority figure or respected leader admonished the people, they listened. They may not have followed, and too often the things they did follow were the irrational words of a demagogue meant to cow the people, but as a people they felt oneness with each other and tried to band together.

That seems like ugly naivety to say that, I know, like I have come around after all my criticism to apologize for China’s brutal authoritarian state, but my meaning is the sense of place felt by the common man. Everyone in China seemed like a part of a whole, or at least the people I met uniformly expressed a strong connection to their Chinese identity. The phrase “We Chinese…” was used to begin many declarative sentences, and it was never a question if the individual saying it could speak on behalf of “we, the Chinese people.” Coming from a land of individualism, alienation, and identity politics, that seemed amazing.

And from the schools and students I saw, there were no obvious cliques of outcasts, rebels, or sharply defined popular kids. Making friends seemed so easy when every student spent their day with the same 30-50 classmates and they all saw school not as a social gaming table but as a serious work with coveted rewards of choice schools and jobs.

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I was relieved not to be around the darkness and apathy of American individualism, where not one thing can be said, not one value can be preached, without the strife of vulgar internet message boards and self-justifying arguments. In a fractured society, every piece has sharp edges; they cannot be put together with incompatible pieces. I could better tune out the hostile words in China because I could not understand more than a small fraction of what was spoken. It was up to me to search out the English language materials of my choice. I was free from the bombardment of slang terms that grow like bacteria off of the internet, pop music, and television. No one in China ever told me, out loud, “LOL,” “awesome sauce,” “that rocks my face off,” or insulted my ignorance of the newest shorthand terms for drugs and sex acts. No one, except for people in Shanghai and Hong Kong- possibly– ever judged me for my clothes, for not wearing cool jeans and shoes, or for wearing my shirt tucked into my pants “like an old man.”

China, a land or loud crowds and pollution, was in many ways my place of solitude. I escaped the tyranny of American culture that had left me a pariah in my own hometown. I knew I would not be excluded or shunned the same way in China because the people did not know how to judge me.

My essays on China were not written for personal judgment, but for comment and critique of culture. I write not so much about China as about why people do what they do, how they live, and what are the observable consequences in a people’s culture. The perspective I gained in China I apply to my view of every culture, including my own. China happened to be the place where I lived, the place I commented on, but if you have been reading closely, you will have noticed that this commentary critiqued America sharply, too, and the broader cultural forces that are universal to all societies.

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Back to the dream of traveling to the past. I would like to do this for the same reasons I went to China. All the documents and artifacts and the way the scholars, historians, journalists, filmmakers, and writers have described the past- is it true? Or more exactly, how close is it to the truth? What would the people really be like? Live like? Talk like? If they used English, how well would I understand them? Our dictionaries overlap, but from the way the people of earlier times wrote, I can tell they think, believe, and speak in fundamentally different ways than the people I live with today. I do not wish to escape to the past, but I would like to see it, be immersed in it, and let my observations and intuition shape my perspective. That is what I have done with China.

The real result is that there was much to be offended with in the country that I looked to with such airy anticipation. But if a man expects to live in any society, he either has to believe in it and be a part of it, or he has to make peace with his unhappy conscience and abide in a small niche of a corrupted whole. I could not accept the corruption of China. I could not smile and say the good outweighed the bad. I think I have long desired to depart the United States for much of the same reasons.

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I am convinced that, if Americans from before our grandparents’ generation could see their homeland today, their strongest impression would not come from our computers, our convenient home appliances, or our city infrastructure. They would not be most surprised by a child using a smart phone or families traversing interstates in a hybrid car. Instead, they would be shocked by the way children talked to their parents and the way parents talked to their children. They would be taken aback by how all the easy technology had isolated people and made their minds dependent, how it had changed basic attitudes and behavior. I am sure they would question the widespread example of parents who were modeling a conformist, materialistic lifestyle for their children. Personal music devices and DVD players would not be as amazing as the language and content of the material being played. The amazement of smart phones would sour when it was seen how much they spoiled dinners and conversations.

Americans from the past might fall prey to the quick and facile lifestyle of microwaved meals and instant entertainment- human nature dictates they would- but I imagine that the first impressions of many would mirror my observations in China. I was not so surprised at the different vehicles being driven on Chinese city streets, but in the willingness of the drivers to run me over. People mattered most, not technology.

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I was not confused by the sound of the Chinese people’s words, but by the volume and aggression they were regularly spoken with. I expected to see poverty, but what most alarmed me was how a brand new hospital building could be overwhelmed with loitering families who filled the just-opened lobbies with dirty blankets and careless trash. Foreign technology and television had made its way into China, and the ingestion of electronic media was very familiar to me. The car had made its way even to the smallest towns I visited (I was told by my two Australian friends that only about five years before our town had one traffic light and no cars). Technology in China and the outward forms of buildings and cities- while often very different- were familiar to me in their basics and not surprising at all. What shocked me about Chinese streets was not the way they looked different, but the way people spat and urinated on them. An American-born Chinese person (“ABC” in both Chinese and Chinese-American slang) can instantly be told apart from her Chinese-born peers not by her iPhone and Nike clothes, which can be bought in China, too, but by the way she wears her clothes and the way her face looks.

The point of observing culture- the point of this whole effort- is not to be found in a bloodless survey of outward modes of living. The point is to see the outworking of human thought and human hearts. My Aunt Fong would always tell me “China need time,” a strange apology from a civilization always boasting about its most ancient character, but no, I thought, China need reform- foundational reform that comes from the reform of people’s hearts

Since leaving, I have vacillated between foreswearing China forever and making a return someday to see Aunt Fong and try and find a better way of living there. I love Aunt Fong like my mother, and I talk to her every week over the computer. I also long to see all the friends and students I met in China again. I imagine being able to start new relationships with them, having my heart refined by experience and renewed hope. But I also keep in mind that China is still much the same place as I left it. I might be admired by the people there, but most of them can only giggle and gawk at me, perhaps asking me about my favorite NBA team and whether I can use chopsticks.

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I do plan on seeing Aunt Fong again- how could I not? My dilemma now is how long to stay in China and what to travel there for. A one or two-week vacation is not worth the expense or time of a twenty hour flight in my opinion. A stay longer than a month would require a visa sponsorship; I would need to have work in China. I hesitate to do that because of the misery I already experienced standing in front of a Chinese classroom. As much as I respected my elementary school music teachers and participated in their classes, that is how much my Chinese students responded to me. To my former teachers: I have done my penance. I see what I was like. I am sorry.

I was always hoping to see more of the church in China. I have asked Aunt Fong to help me find a way to observe the house churches and meet with them. She has helped me get peaks inside a few churches in what turned out to be frustrated visits. Perhaps, God willing, that hope will fully come to fruition.

For now, I am where I am. I daily dream about finding a new culture to live in and observe, or I think through how best I should get to work from my home base in Iowa writing about my experiences already. Eventually, I hope to find a place where I can be at peace and believe in what I am doing, not so much because I have found the right location, but because I have been refined and found people that I want to join together with as one culture.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

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Christmas in China

December isn’t the Christmas Season in China. Well, it is in some ways, surprisingly, but the people aren’t taken with the Christmas Spirit as Americans were once upon a time.

Walking through the shopping streets in the early dark of winter, I began to notice more and more window decoupage displays of white paper snowflakes over red and green backgrounds. Next to the fashion mannequins, there might have been stacks of presents wrapped in shiny paper, and the whole scene would be advertised with text that read “Ho! Ho! Ho!” or misspelled, gibberish renderings of “Merry Christmas” and other holiday greetings. If a store had a Santa dummy (the Chinese called him Christmas Man), he would usually be dressed in gold or red, maybe silver, and he was always playing the saxophone. I asked one of my students why Santa was always playing the sax, and I received the only answer one can give to such a question: “I don’t know.”

CUH-RIS-A-MERS MAN!

CUH-RIS-A-MERS MAN!

"M-R-R-E everyone!"

“M-R-R-E everyone!”

The surprising part of Christmas in China, to me, came when I devoted lessons to Christmas, asking students what they knew about it and how people celebrated. My classes knew the melody of “Jingle Bells” and a few other classics, which seemed natural enough, and they also shared the new Chinese tradition of giving apples stamped with a Christmas pattern to their friends- stencils of a reindeer or “Christmas Man” surrounded by the Chinese characters for “Merry Christmas.” I found one of these apples in the spring, after losing it in between my refrigerator and kitchen cupboards, and it still had the same color and firmness as the day I received it. I shudder to think what they sprayed or injected their produce with; the bananas were also uniformly yellow.

All the chemicals in Chinese food made my stomach shake like a bowl full of jelly.

All the chemicals in Chinese food made my stomach shake like a bowl full of jelly.

What truly surprised me was when I asked my students as a class, “What do you do for Christmas?” and several of them replied without shyness, “Go to church.” China was still convalescing from Mao and his brand of communism, I thought, and I assumed that like the university professors and public officials who professed the faith, students in school would be hush-hush about church.

Assembling for worship in China, of course, isn’t taken for granted as it is in America, where buildings for every Christian denomination- and then some- can be found within walking distance of every residential area. The public church buildings in China (Three Self Patriotic Movement churches) were registered with the state, and people could openly attend, but state controls hamstrung evangelical efforts and what ministers could preach and teach. It is “the church” with bureaucrats of the Communist Party as head.

Those birds un-caged by state controls, the house churches, were many and various in China, and these were all treated with secrecy for fear of government action (i.e. arrest and imprisonment). So, when I had students freely tell me they were going to attend church with their grandmothers on Christmas, I was taken aback. I was stunned for a moment, and I knew to not ask them what type of church they attended in front of their classmates. Perhaps they went to one of the public churches, and they could share so without reprisal, or maybe it was that they were part of a house church, and attitudes had relaxed to the point that young students thought nothing of discussing it openly. I was left to assume the former, not able to dig into the issue in front of a class of peers, only slowly having my questions about the church in China answered in small increments as time went by. Those small peaks I did get inside church life in China were densely filtered by screens of language and culture.

When I asked my two classes of university students what they were doing on Sunday, the 25th, I heard a groan in reply: “Tests.”

“Tests on Christmas!” I exclaimed, like a claymation character from a Rankin/Bass movie, “That’s terrible.” They concurred.

Earlier that week, I spoke to a Chinese English teacher who told me that one of her fondest school memories was when her foreign English teacher threw a Christmas Party for his students. So, I decided to brighten my students’ day. After they finished their tests, they could come over to my apartment that Sunday for a Christmas Party.

Now, between my two college classes (I had 18 other classes of middle school students), I probably had 45 students, but I did the invitation math I had learned in America and expected 15 people to come, 20 tops, and then only an hour after the official start time. I figured that it would be safe to host the event in my apartment with such a modest crowd, and besides, I had no idea how to reserve a room on campus.

Six o’clock sharp came, official party time, and I had candy and a Christmas cake on the table (cake in China is just like cake in America, only it tastes bad. Imagine the quality of cake you might find in a tawdry convenience store, and that is what cake in China tastes like). I had yet to button up my shirt, but I heard a knock at my door and my phone was beeping with text messages asking me to clarify directions to my apartment. I let the first batch of students in, and from that point on there was a continual stream of new guests. I learned a valuable lesson about Chinese culture that night: if you invite people to a party, they will show up.

Maybe five to seven of my especially anti-social university students didn’t come that night, but the rest of the 45 did come, and some even brought friends. A student who never came to my class (because 10 o’clock was too early in the morning for him) even showed up. At one point, I had over thirty people in my living room. I opened every window to let in the winter wind and try and alleviate the collection of body heat. We could hardly move or hear each other speak, but everyone was in high spirits, with students taking turns to sing solos, and candy and cake being obliterated on and around the table.

A ring of people lined my living room and poured into the kitchen and study.

A ring of people lined my living room and poured into the kitchen and study.

Another thing about cake in China- it’s often double-layered with a thin spread of cream or jelly filling in between, and there is a light, fluffy frosting on the outside. Not unusual for a cake, but the tall and triangular slices, I want to note, carried messy potential inside and out. It would be tricky to eat such a big, sloppy slice as it was, but in China, people do not keep forks or dinner plates in their kitchen. And cake is one food that will cause the Chinese to relent and admit it cannot be eaten sensibly in a bowl with chopsticks, so Chinese bakeries supply cake buyers with a stack of thin, four-inch paper plates and tiny plastic forks that would be better used to spear cheese cubes.

Also, in China, people devour all of your treats. They don't pretend they're uninterested and walk away from leftovers as in American culture.

Also, in China, people devour all of your treats. They don’t pretend they’re uninterested and walk away from leftovers as in American culture.

Big, sloppy cake did not combine neatly with tiny plates and forks. Twenty different mouths slicing cake on my coffee table and struggling to cut it into bites with underpowered forks against handheld, flimsy plates turned my living room into a mess quicker than Old St. Nick could ascend a chimney. I didn’t mind so much, I was too busy trying to accept gifts and play the host by saying hello to the unmanageable mob of people. It was a fantastically big end to the holiday weekend.

The night before, Christmas Eve, I was with Aunt Fong in her hometown, a much larger city than my university town. She took me to a hotel, where a church group had rented a ballroom to put on a Christmas program. People lined the long rows of folding tables, watching the front as new groups came out to sing or speakers shared a teaching or narration. Of course, Aunt Fong had to show me off, so she brought me up front, stuck a microphone in my hand, and had me sing a Christmas song for everyone. Speaking as a man who hates approaching people and feels uncomfortable talking to cashiers at the store, I can say honestly that I was an exceptionally good sport about singing for a ballroom-full of Chinese strangers.

Aunt Fong showing me off. The hat was not my choice.

Aunt Fong showing me off. The hat was not my choice.

I'm the tall blurry one in the back. Aunt Fong is on my right.

I’m the tall blurry one in the back. Aunt Fong is on my right.

After the Christmas program ended, Aunt Fong and I headed toward the shopping district. Meanwhile, my phone received “Merry Christmas!” text messages without ceasing. We were out after ten o’clock at night, but the streets and stores were filled with people, probably more crowded than I had ever seen them in that city. That is a noteworthy event. But no one was caroling or wishing passersby “Merry Christmas!” Instead, it seemed like a tame version of a Mardi Gras festival. Children were buying balloons shaped into spirals and other creative shapes, people were wearing carnival masks, and food vendors were on every street corner. I had a hard time getting my bearings in the midst of the colors, crowd, and confusion, and it felt dreamlike as Aunt Fong pulled me through the streets and shopping malls.

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The next morning, I returned to my university apartment. Grant and Sue, my Australian neighbors on the fourth floor, had invited me over for Christmas dinner. Also, there was Lee Ahram, the Korean teacher, and Theresa, a Chinese student who had studied in Brisbane- Grant and Sue’s hometown. Sue, savvy shopper that she was, had managed to find a countertop toaster oven, probably the only one in the whole city, so she was able to prepare roasted chicken and potatoes for our meal. China, like many countries in Asia, only has gas burners in its residential kitchens; because the only ways people prepare food at home are by boiling or stir-frying (less commonly, foods could also be steamed over a burner, or stewed or braised).

Grant, Theresa, Sue, and Ahram.

Grant, Theresa, Sue, and Ahram.

Western meals were difficult to prepare in China. Besides the difference in produce, it was hard to come by certain ingredients and spices, and there were no ovens to bake anything. People were stuck with bad store-bought cake.

So, Sue’s Christmas dinner was a special meal for a special time for our group of assorted foreigners. We were far from our families at home, which was a daily heartache around the holidays, but we had a bond as strangers in a strange land who pined for a Christmas celebration with some solemnity and familial warmth.

At the end of the meal, Sue brought out plates of Christmas pudding, which I was as eager to see as I was to taste. Being an American, the only pudding I had ever seen was Jell-O pudding, and on rare occasion, bread pudding. I had heard talk about pudding in British media, and I had always assumed it was some formless dessert that only the English could love, and that America should probably send a delegation to tell them to start building some structure into their dishes.

Well, the Christmas pudding was formless, but it was a custard not far off from American pudding. Sue had spooned it over a slice of, I think, fruit cake. I can say for sure it was custard and a slice of dense cake. I thought it was pretty good, but Sue lamented that it didn’t turn out quite right; she had to use a can of not very good custard mix, the only kind she could find.

It was all well and good by me. My time in China was often a lonely and isolated experience; having that mid-year holiday celebration was a reviving oasis.

One of my favorite and Aunt Fong's least favorite photos. The girl on the left was a student of mine named Tiffany.

One of my favorite and Aunt Fong’s least favorite photos. The girl on the left was a student of mine named Tiffany.

The Real China: Hospitals

Patients in the front lobby waiting for their number their number to be called.

Patients in the front lobby waiting for their number their number to be called.

Imagine taking your children here or seeking urgent help for yourself in this chaos. This was in Shanghai, a first-tier city, so keep in mind that these are much better-than-average facilities. I visited hospitals in third-tier cities that looked like they had been abandoned until recently; hallways were dark, floors were dirty, beds were messes of blankets and floor mats, and in one instance, the urinal emptied onto the floor.

Here, I squeezed into a packed elevator and rode it up to the 15th floor, with people pushing out and shoving in, hearing the weight alarm beep, and shuffling out again, for several stops on the ride up. In another stuffed elevator, a woman at the control panel screamed violently at a passenger whose bag was blocking the door. In Chinese, there are no polite words and phrases like “Please move.” In the 15th floor lobby, people with tumors and other obvious maladies were waiting shoulder to shoulder, or making room so that a physician could take pictures of a screaming little girl’s deformed hand as her parents stretched her wrist out against the wall. There was no privacy, no order, no expectation to be seen in a timely or sympathetic fashion. China, to any civilized visitor, is a nightmare experience of constant crowds, filth, noise, and stress.

Waiting in line and pushing through the masses in a modern Chinese hospital.

Waiting in line and pushing through the masses in a modern Chinese hospital.

My Hospital Experiences in Semi-Urban China

The first time I entered a Chinese hospital, I was tagging along with Aunt Fong as she visited her sister, a nurse. I wanted out.

Once we were in the exam room- a bare, concrete floor with peeling plaster walls, filled with only a clunky wooden table, and a metal cabinet with glass cupboard doors, illuminated by the dim fluorescent bulb overhead and the street lights filtered in through the barred windows- I thought this must be a place where Chinese police take suspects to confess. To get out of that hospital, I probably would have signed whatever bogus papers they put in front of me, detailing my alleged crimes against their People’s Republic.

I seriously was giving thanks to God that I did not presently need the services of the hospital. This was at night, after hours, when there were no patients in the lobby or quiet hallways, so I was spared from seeing anyone suffering. About two months later, I did need the services of the larger city hospital, badly.

At Sanda (kickboxing) practice, my instructor would always pair me up with his nephew, who was easily many levels above the rest of the class, and who never pulled his punches when it came time to pummel me. It happened that he and I were sparring in front of the older students in the class (a lot of elementary and junior high-aged students also came to practice after school, but they were usually occupied with horseplay at the other end of the gym). Whenever there is an audience, the act increases in intensity and commitment. I never set out to hurt anyone while sparring, but the goal of landing blows means pain is never completely avoidable, and the natural rhythm of two sparring partners will go back and forth and often escalate. My instructor’s nephew and I often had sustained battles that were basically real fights, only lacking a referee and a bell to separate us. I had to bring more intensity than I naturally preferred; the beatings would not soften on my account.

That night in October, when my sparring partner and I were the center of attention, he was landing shots and getting the best of me as usual. I became frustrated, but I didn’t try and rush at him in anger. Without much thought, I quickly snapped my left leg up and let a kick fly against his face. The timing for a head kick is difficult to make, but this strike landed solid. There was an audible thud, I saw my opponent’s pupils rattle, and I stepped back in shock.

I started pleading how sorry I was; my instructor applauded me and told me good job, not to worry, there would be no hard feelings. I still feared a reprisal from a young man who was very capable of dishing one out. As he went into the bathroom to wash out the blood in his mouth and check for injuries, I meekly retreated to the edge of the mat to check my foot. Meanwhile, all the older students were in an uproar, telling me enthusiastically how great the kick was and encouraging me to knock him out, pumping their fists and cheering “K.O.!” I suspected they also had received punishment from my sparring partner’s fists and shins.

On my foot, there was a small cut, right on the top of the base of my second toe, the small joint where the metatarsal meets the phalange. I wanted to wash it off and put a bandage on it, but everyone forbid me. Aunt Fong even put a plastic bag around my foot before I took a shower. The locals were more terrified of their water supply than I was. They might have been right to be so cautious, but over the next few days, things went from bad to worse. Their methods- rubbing the gash with alcohol swabs and taping a square of gauze over it- did me no good either.

The day after the incident, I was walking with a limp and feeling shameful that such a small wound would force me out of practice. I couldn’t understand why my foot was so stiff and painful from one gash. It was no matter, I consoled myself, I had no school the next week because of the National Day holiday, and I could relax and recover on my vacation in Shanghai.

Aunt Fong and I had planned the trip, but business prevented her from joining us at the last moment, so I went with Uncle Jiang by train and met his sister and her daughter in China’s largest city. They were on holiday, too, and our group met up with Uncle Jiang’s son, who lived and worked in the city, for a few days of sightseeing.

Limping my way through the Shanghai crowds.

Limping my way through the Shanghai crowds.

The first day, I soldiered on, hobbling through the shoulder-to-shoulder and chest-to-back street crowds. Back at the hotel, we examined my foot and saw it had bled through both the gauze and my sock. The yellow, orange, and pink discharge look awful, and my foot was swollen and painful to the touch. Removing or slipping on my shoe caused me to wince sharply in pain. I tried to convince myself that my wound would heal in a few days and I could tough out the pain, but Uncle Jiang saw things otherwise. After checking my foot and replacing the gauze, he said no more outings (no discussion), so our group spent most of the next two days in the hotel room. I did get to walk outside on occasion to get something to eat.

I at least got in one day of sightseeing in upscale Pudong, Shanghai.

I at least got in one day of sightseeing in upscale Pudong, Shanghai.

For the remaining time on our Shanghai holiday, my foot swelled more and more, and when I took off my shoe in the crowded train station as we waited for our homebound train, the wound was so infected that it oozed out pus when I touched it with an alcohol swab. It was disgusting, painful, and scary all at once. I was afraid for my foot.

After a breezy ride back from Shanghai on the G Train, Uncled Jiang and I took a taxi straight to a hotel restaurant to meet Aunt Fong some of their old medical college colleagues. After eating, she whisked me off to the medical college hospital for what would turn out to be a traumatic afternoon.

The street in front of the hospital was closed to traffic, so knickknack and toy vendors rolled out tarps to hawk their wares, and patients and their family members poured out to the lobby’s many open doors like ants out of a mound. Since Aunt Fong worked for the medical college affiliated with the hospital, she led me around as she pleased, trying to find a doctor she knew personally. We never stopped at a desk to check-in or pause at any time to sit and fill out paperwork and wait. Aunt Fong rushed through the place, with me limping behind, the scenery pouring over me and stupefying my thoughts. Aunt Fong cut through the crowd without turning her head; I oscillated left and right between patients with bandaged heads and open wounds and the huddles of country farmers on the chairs and on the floor. The atmosphere was not unlike the bedlam of the nearby street markets. Any area was fair game for sitting or lying down, the sound of people loudly talking rang through the halls, patients crowded around doctors as they filled out prescriptions one-by-one for the scattered line-up of people in the exam room, and the building interior looked as if it hadn’t been maintained in the past 30 years.

Looking at the walls with thin paint and the floors worn smooth, the old white window casings and wire grating, I was aghast how doctors could practice medicine here and how patients could convalesce while lying in a mess of blankets, for example, in a bed in the hallway. American hospitals try and remove the unpleasantness and make the painful, uncomfortable experience as tolerable as possible. Their freshly painted walls, bright lighting, area carpeting, padded chairs, wall art, informative posters, private waiting rooms, and well-ordered interchange between departments all project sterility and a soothing sense of expertise. While the fear of procedures and bad news prevents patients from relaxing, the hospitals have been designed and built to reduce as much anxiety as can be.

I don’t know what to compare the Chinese hospital environment to, except the many other dilapidated public buildings in China in need of a good janitor and maintenance team, or better yet, a wrecking crew. I will say this: whenever I’ve seen pictures of America from around the turn of the 20th century, I have always gotten a feeling that the buildings were unclean and full of cracked glass and dirty residue that gathered in the corners. I would question: is this the poor photographic quality, or was the world really so dingy back then? The people themselves looked desperate and skeletal, having grim, hollow expressions and wearing clothes that appeared tattered and dirty, as if they had been collecting dust in an attic. If the people were dressed nicely, as many were, I marvel at how dignified they looked in contrast to the casual gym shirts, sweat pants, yoga pants, jeans, and sandals of Americans today.

Skeletal, grim, tattered, dirty, dingy, cracked- that is how the Chinese hospital looked to me. It was as if I were wearing X-ray specs from an old comic book, only instead of see-through, the filter placed over my eyes made everything dirty, dim, and faded. Every square foot of building and every haggard figure combined to form a visual masterwork on the themes of urban despair and the horrors of poverty. It would be futile to try and tally all the character traits of the twelve-story building and its hundreds of inhabitants, their dusty cotton jackets and dirt-stained hands. All I can intimate about the hospital in writing (it deserved an oil treatment from a Realist painter) is the feel of my pallid complexion and stiff throat as I tried to calm myself and will my shaky body to walk smoothly through the halls of grime, injury, and disease. I was filled with disquiet and I brindled like a leashed animal being dragged forward after it smelled medicine and fear, although I had to play the part of a steady man of reserve.

Please don’t misunderstand my narrative on the hospital and its patients. I do not look down on the poor or disparage them (I’m poor by American standards, but that is a very relative standard). My terror was in the confines of a chaotic facility where poverty and pestilence joined forces to put on a show of suffering. A local friend I met, who had spent two years studying in America, told me that the government had opened up the city’s hospitals to all the surrounding country towns, so the facilities had become overrun with mobs of travelers seeking help. Relatives of the ill often did not have the money to afford a simple hotel room, so they would lay out cardboard and blankets and sleep in the elevator lobbies. In the wild mix of humanity, filling every exam room and waiting area, could be found the local city residents, in casual clothes, and the rural poor- no romantic country swains of pastoral imagery, but more like the crowds who mocked and scoffed at Don Quixote, wearing thick, all-weather coats and pants.

The different types of people were so many, and so intermixed, that I could not separate who was who or what office each area performed. I was overwhelmed. People walked into exam rooms as they pleased and watched the physician over his shoulder as he wrote a prescription for someone else. The talking never stopped. But as rude and unruly as the masses were, I could not help but feel great sorrow and pity when I saw painfully sick men on a hospital bed in the hallway (there was not enough space for every patient in the rooms) surrounded by family members who were weary from standing around all day. I felt helpless, not having a way to heal or comfort these people.

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After Aunt Fong found a couple different doctors to ask for information (she never paused to greet anyone, she would immediately start speaking at someone and they would answer right back) we got on an overcrowded elevator (the only kind of elevator in a Chinese public building), headed for the 11th floor. She walked straight past the Nurses’ Station counter and into the small doctors’ and nurses’ office. One of Aunt Fong’s friends from the luncheon, herself a medical doctor, was along with us, and she and my aunt hurriedly made conversation with the staff in the office until they found the doctor they were looking for. A faceless man wearing the uniform white lab coat and face mask sat me down on a chair and set my injured foot up on a stool. After examining the infected wound and making some remarks to Aunt Fong and her friend, he went to the cabinet and pulled out a large pair of tweezers, cotton alcohol swabs, and a metal pan.

Aunt Fong’s friend looked at me with pity and gripped my shoulder. Aunt Fong grabbed my hand and told me, “Close yo’w eyes.” I focused, trying to recite familiar psalms in my head as the doctor went to work. The acute pain of the tweezers inside my skin caused me to grit my teeth and breathe hard out my nostrils. I thought it was terrible but I could suffer through it. The doctor’s work took time, and the waves of pain soon made me start to sweat. Before long, I began to feel flushed with intense heat.

I opened my eyes just enough to see the doctor finishing. I weakly tried to wave him away. My neck could no longer keep my head erect and I knew I was about to pass out. Aunt Fong and her friend urged me to sit up, but I remained slumped over with my head between my knees. They lifted me under their shoulders, and with one Chinese woman under each of my long arms, they walked me past the Nurses’ Station and into an exam room. The sight of a six-foot tall (nearly two meters to them) limp, foreign body stumbling forward with assistance was quite a sight for them and I inspired a lot of giggles when I returned the next week for a check-up.

I stood out in China.

I stood out in China.

After lying down for a while and regaining the color in my face, we were back on the elevator, going down and turning away surplus doctors and patients who tried boarding on the floors between the eleventh and the ground.
There was still the matter of the bones in my rigid foot. Aunt Fong led me down another hallway and grabbed a radiologist who was having a smoke in the hallway, outside the X-Ray room. He held his lit cigarette with one hand as he adjusted the camera above my foot with his free hand. I quietly laughed at the scene, unthinkable now in America, and let the comic relief soothe my earlier experience.

My foot healed, slowly, and after several more doctor visits (with alcohol swabs and metal pans, but no tweezers) and a few months’ time, I was able to curl my toes again and walk without limping. I never saw a bill for any of those visits. I assumed that in China it was all about who you know (which it is) and Aunt Fong had called on her relationships to help me out. Really, I just followed her, received care, and didn’t ask questions.

At the university, I did pay once for antibiotics when I came down with bad, flu-like symptoms. Two students escorted me from room to room and helped translate for me so the doctor could write me a prescription. I learned from the students that their mandatory student health insurance cost 100 yuan per year, which is around 17 American dollars.

Yet, there was one incident that did threaten to leave me with an onerous medical bill, which brings me back to the Monday after the awful weekend bus trip. After two days sitting in pain for hours at the sales office and declining food, I lay about Aunt Fong’s apartment, reading books and not even stirring to eat. I got up several times throughout the day to use the toilet, but other than that I did not have the strength to do anything other than lie in pain. Rightfully worried, Aunt Fong took me to the hospital that night.

By luck, I was able to go to the newly built city hospital on its first day open to the public. It already had people sleeping in the elevator lobbies and lounging on the steps outside, but the equipment inside was clean and unused. Before this hospital was available, the closest “Western” hospital was a short train ride away in Nanjing. Sue, the Australian, made her husband, Grant, promise to immediately take her there if anything serious ever happened to her.

A nurse inserted an IV into my arm, and she let two bags of fluid drain into my dehydrated body. An hour later, I stood up to go back to Aunt Fong’s. Or so I thought.

I made it into the elevator with her, but as the doors started to close, I felt my body slumping to the ground. For a moment, I lost consciousness, then I struggled to blink open my eyes and watch as the elevator’s button panel tilted to an oblique angle before me. Aunt Fong was making panicked noises as she tugged on my arm and pulled me out of the elevator. The sounds were murky, but I could hear her crying out for help and running down the hall. The clamor of footsteps came rushing back to me, and I couldn’t open my eyes wide enough to see the doctors or nurses, but I felt two of them pick me up and sit me in a wheelchair.

Fong bian,” I breathed out softly. I needed to use the bathroom, I told them, immediately. It must have been the IV fluids; I needed to clear out my system. They wheeled me to the bathroom quickly, then two aides cautiously watched me over the squatting toilet, and in a dire moment like that there was no thought of shame. I sat back on the wheelchair for a short ride, then they transferred me to a bed and rushed me down the hallways as fast as they could push me.

The fluorescent lights overhead blurred past my vision like dashed freeway lines. I struggled to blink my eyes open, afraid that if I closed them I would slip away and fall asleep in the biblical sense. I could hear the doctors’ urgent voices and Aunt Fong asking panicked questions as she ran alongside them. Repeating the refrain of familiar psalms in my head, I willed myself not to lose consciousness.

I was taken to the top floor and wheeled to an open stall in the Intensive Care Unit. Sometime during the rush, a nurse squeezed two tubes of glucose into my mouth as another gave me two or three injections- I’m not clear on how many I actually received. I remembered that a friend of mine who trained in emergency medicine told me that the glucose was a disgusting, gelatinous blob, but going down it tasted sweet and smooth to me. If the FDA allowed it, I’m sure companies could market it as a new snack for sugar-happy American children; many of the yogurts and puddings on store shelves are not far off.

Aunt Fong told me that she stayed with another nurse by my bedside that night. After I was started on a new IV drip she watched me drift to sleep and then worried over my heart rate on the monitor. In the morning, a doctor who spoke English told me that they were concerned about my heart rate because it was so slow. “In fact,” he said, “last night it stopped two times.” I learned that the hospital wanted me to stay for two more days as they built up my dehydrated body with IV fluids and monitored my heart.

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Most of that first morning I spent alone, then Uncle Jiang and Aunt Fong came by to visit me. Aunt Fong brought me a bowl of noodles to eat, and for the first time in a few days I was hungry. Uncle Jiang kept me company for a while when Aunt Fong had to go to her office or attend department meetings at her medical college. He and I didn’t talk much to each other. I just read from my e-book and he would look up English words in his pocket electronic translator or frequently instruct me, “Rest. Rest. You must… have a rest.” He would motion toward me as if pushing my forehead back to recline.

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When it was only Aunt Fong and me, I told her, “I thought I was going to die last night. I thought I might die here in China.” She told me she feared the same thing and said that if I had died, she would die, too.
Over the next couple days, my boredom was greatly relieved when a few friends I met through Aunt Fong came and visited me, her nephew brought me some movies to watch, and the university’s Director of Foreign Affairs, Mr. “Oliver” Zhang, stopped by to give me some chocolates and offer condolences.

By the second day, I felt decent enough to really walk out of the hospital (I was tired of having a nurse follow me into the bathroom and hold up the heart monitor attached to my body by round stickers), but the doctors still wanted to perform one more test. A man I assumed to be a senior doctor at the hospital, due to the squad of nurses and interns following him around, filled a syringe full of silver liquid and plunged it into my IV tube. My heart rate, which had recently settled into the 50’s after surging up and down the first day, zoomed up to 130 beats per minute, then plateaued and gradually slowed down. The head doctor gave me a thumbs-up, smiled, and exclaimed, “Very good!” My heart rate while asleep was below 40 beats per minute, which alarmed them, but the test proved my heart was in good condition and pumping at a healthy pace.

The silver test fluid also blurred my vision for the rest of the evening, but that was the last I had to endure. The nurses monitored me overnight again, and in the morning I was free to go. Walking out, I observed the loungers lying on the floor of the elevator lobby and the overflowing trash bins. I pointed out to Aunt Fong how disordered and slovenly things were, especially remarkable since this was the first week this hospital has been open. As I had tried pointing out to her many times before, China does not “need time.” The problem of China is not modernization, infrastructure, or money. As a trashed, brand new hospital shows, the problem is the culture of the people. They feel clean in their conscience when acting dirty. This is not to pick on poor farmers who had no change of clothing or clean beds to sleep in. Poverty doesn’t force people to throw their trash on hospital floors.

My view from my top floor hospital window. The window pane itself was clean, it was the outside which was so dirty.

My view from my top floor hospital window. The window pane itself was clean, it was the outside which was so dirty.

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Naturally, I was relieved to put the whole experience behind me. I thought it would all be over after I walked out the doors, just the same as my other escorted hospital visits. Then, I watched Aunt Fong on the phone in her dining room, pacing the wooden floor,nearly in hysterics with the person on the other end. After she hung up, she hugged me, in tears. I owed the hospital a couple thousand dollars for my stay. Aunt Fong wasn’t speaking on the phone to the hospital, though. She related to me that she was speaking to the heads of my university, and she had become so emotional because of what had happened to me. She expected my school to take responsibility, and they ended up covering my bill.

I don’t understand how it all worked out, I was simply full of thanks that I was treated and it was paid for. As part of my university teaching contract, I didn’t have health insurance, only a very small stipend for healthcare expenses. I asked about this before I signed on the dotted line, and the university said that China’s healthcare was “different.” No fuller explanation was ever given, I think mostly because the Chinese themselves don’t understand their systems.

I inferred from the way banking and other institutions were run in China that healthcare treatment (appointments, procedures, and payment) must be based on relationships and the discretion of the business. What I mean is, a person cannot go to a Chinese bank and expect the same treatment for the same services every time. The bank isn’t governed strictly by a system of policies. If the bank teller tells you she cannot make a money transfer without certain documents and several mangers’ approval, as an example, you cannot tell her that the teller you spoke with last week did it all by himself without needing any extra documents. If she says it cannot be done, then arguing about written rules or past experience is moot. Chinese culture does not place a great amount of value or authority in written policies and standards. Business relationships are extensions of personal relationships. How your individual case is handled, in law and business, is largely up to the mood of the authority figure.

A friendly mediator in this environment is likely to tell you to jump through hoops or wait until another time. Have patience, because “that’s China.” Now, I was never directly held up by this type of runaround, but I was aware of the way the system worked. At any moment, the baton of responsibility and social power might be passed. In the Chinese mentality, people did not expect to get anywhere or receive the treatment they desired unless they had personal connections to someone with power, who could pull the right levers, in which case no paperwork was needed and all problems were solved. Perhaps the Chinese are mostly right about how the world works, and they have only made an implicit social phenomenon explicit.

So those were my hospital experiences in China. There were other times I visited hospitals- I visited a major hospital in Shanghai, I briefly walked through a hallway and bathroom of a city hospital in semi-rural China, I went to a patient room in a small hospital near my university by walking up unlit stone steps in a dark alley, I visited a new mother and her infant daughter lying in a narrow room with a row of five beds and other women and their families pressed close together, and I saw a young man with a broken arm wrapped up in the sorriest looking cast and sling I have ever seen- but I mention these major episodes in the spirit of my other stories written here. I do not offer, I could not offer, a survey on the Chinese healthcare system. What I can share is my individual experience, which another foreign traveler would share much of if he ventured into the heart of China (except the 3-day stay, hopefully), and I can share my perspective on particular Chinese customs and culture.

If you ever set foot in the real China, you very likely might see things differently; I’ve met people who are both much more enthused and much more jaded on China than I am. One thing, though, you could not disagree over with me: visiting a Chinese hospital will make you count your blessings in having lived in the West.

The Real China: Trains and Travel

Throughout life, I have managed to silently keep my peace and meekly abide through many and various insults and indignities, my teeth often gritted, but my turned cheek being slapped without protest. Without this experience and temperament, I wouldn’t have been able to endure a full year in China. Its transportation rituals, however, had me at my breaking point. All of the buses and subways I used in local mass transit systems were fine and about as good as one could expect for each respective city in China. What I mean to discuss are my trying journeys: the train rides and my travels into major tourist areas.

A typical scene at a smaller train station.

A typical scene at a smaller train station.

China has built up its railway network so that most every city on the east coast is linked with all the others, and residents of one can conveniently buy a ticket to most anywhere at their local terminal. Not many people have cars, so the railway system functions as the alternative to the American interstate system. Major lines, like those travelling due east to Shanghai, also offer a high-speed rail service. China isn’t on par with the Japanese rail network (will any country ever be?) but it is investing heavily to make its own infrastructure faster and better connected.

I did make a few trips by car and bus on the toll-ways, which were not so unlike their American equivalent, minus the build-up of roads, businesses along the exits, and traffic jams (not that traffic jams don’t happen in China, just not on the toll-ways I traveled. In fact, China has made world news several times from its days’ long traffic jams). Buses are the number one method for long distance holiday travel in China, though I found that statistic hard to believe when comparing my bus trips to my experience in the very crowded train stations. There were times when I was in a ticket line or train car and I began counting the heads of people: “1, 2, 3…” then thought that there were so many people it would be faster to count down from China’s total population to find out the number of people in my train: “one billion, two hundred and ninety-nine million, nine-hundred and ninety-nine; one billion, two hundred and ninety-nine million, nine-hundred and ninety-eight…”

Like many mundane tasks in China, I always had an escort with me, a friend to buy my ticket for me. After waiting in line and showing my passport to the cashier, my translator would make the purchase- same as anywhere, except the business being done in Chinese made it especially boring, unknowable, and fickle. Buying a ticket for one trip might only take ten minutes and my friend would take care of the whole process while I waited near the building entrance. Other times, I’d have to dutifully follow someone back and forth between the self-service computer terminal and cashier line, watching them in their shared confusion and frustration, having nothing to do with myself except remember the times as a child that I had to trail behind my parents in a store without toys.

The train travel itself was where the real frustration began, far more hectic than the tranquil-by-comparison ticket office. Outside of the terminals, there was typically a plaza surrounded by retail businesses and dozens of food vendors (if you ever find yourself in China and you’re brave enough to try them, I recommend the hard-boiled eggs sitting in the pan of near-black sauce). The terminals- train and bus- were major gathering spaces in the world’s most populous country.

A great mess of humanity streamed in and out of the main doors, but to get in (sometimes out) required passing through narrow metal gates. The barriers were set up to direct the crowd through the ticket and security checks; being China, this meant the crowd would push and jostle their way into the single-file opening. In any country, waiting in lines to pass through security and gate checks is a ritual that ranks around a trip to the dentist’s office in terms of pleasantness, but as a consolation, at least the people in most other countries are waiting in line. Experience quickly taught me that the metal barriers were a necessity in a land without manners or respect for unwritten rules like waiting one’s turn.

In China, men with duffel bags slung over their shoulders barged past me without regard; petite female ticket-takers seemed to seek me out and palm-strike me in my kidneys as they cut through the crowd. However mellow I imagined my demeanor, funneling through the gates was a miserable enough experience to make me ball my fists and look for the next pusher to make an example out of him- or her- for all the rest.

Wading through those bottlenecks, sometimes over 20 rows of people deep (God help the fleeing crowds if there were ever a fire emergency), seemed like the worst thing, but it was only the first major hassle of a Chinese train trip. Inside the waiting lobby, all those swarms of people sprawled out in the many rows of seats, letting their outer coats, bags, seed shells, plastic food wrappers, drink bottles, and (it can be assumed) spit fall to the floor. A dowdy cleaning woman would shuffle around the people standing throughout the floor space, thick as insects, and use a straw broom to sweep up the refuse in a futile, never-ending cycle.

Outside a train station. Small shops and restaurants abound on the lower levels.

Outside a train station. Small shops and restaurants abound on the lower levels.

A large convenience store was usually located in the waiting lobby; the major terminals had small restaurants and shops like a modestly-sized airport. Browsing through the cramped shelves of food and buying a bowl of instant noodles was my only respite when the train was delayed, which it was by several hours on one occasion; I also had a bus trip that was delayed by over an hour, though it should be noted that those were single events and I don’t have any figures on the percentage of delayed trains and buses in China. That one evening when my train was delayed, the instant noodles had to suffice for dinner as the delay was indefinite, without an announcement about the estimated arrival time or cause of the problem. My friends and I waited outside the departure gate altogether for four hours until the proverbial watched pot- our midnight train- boiled.

China proved too much for this boy, so he left with his student friends on a midnight train to Hefei.

China proved too much for this boy, so he left with his student friends on a midnight train to Hefei.

Inside the Chinese train cabins, the ride varied considerably depending on the class of ticket and destination, but it was always crowded to full capacity at least. The nicest ride, the high-speed G trains, were fitted with new, reclining individual seats, and they could cut the travel time by more than half. This expensive service was exclusive to major city routes, which in my area meant I could take a G train to Nanjing or Shanghai. But keep in mind, it was still China, so the high-speed ride, while smooth, was far from leisurely. Passengers talked, chewed, littered, had phone conversations, watched portable DVD players, and played music through speakers- not headphones- all at full volume. Yes, believe it or not, somehow the littering was at full volume too, but to be fair the noisome litter did not remain on the floor throughout the whole trip. A cleaning woman would come by to collect trash and bark at you to lift your feet so she could sweep. Plus, in addition to the noise of the passengers and their devices, the overhead television screens would be flashing commercials, programs, and movies at a soft volume that was loud enough to be distracting but impossible to make out over the clamor of the car. A tease if you were interested in the program, a bother if you were trying to enjoy quiet while you read or napped.

The typical train carriage, not the elite G train car, was crowded too, but beyond crowded were its straight-back benches and well-worn cushioned seats, overflowing with people so much so that extra passengers- those with a seat-less ticket- gathered in the connecting space between cars or sat in between their friends’ seats, if possible. Shoeless souls set up buckets between the rows of seats or slumped over on top of coats and bags to try and sleep in an unsightly pile. Not since riding in a mud and trash-covered bus on my way to detassel corn fields in Iowa had I seen people so indiscriminate about the conditions they slept in.

Waiting to board the G Train.

Waiting to board the G Train.

One convenient alternative to the lousy rest on these basic cars were the sleeper cars. Traveling to Beijing, which is located far up in the northeast near Inner Mongolia, I had booked an overnight trip on a sleeper car (that is, I had the trip booked for me). Shortly after midnight, I boarded the train and tottered through the narrow walking space of the cabins and found my bunk inside the darkened interior. My room had four bunks, two on each side wall, one above and one below. I was up top, and I was lucky that none of the other passengers had used my bunk for storage space, so I was able to hoist myself up and lay myself out without having to try and negotiate with inconsiderate passengers to move their bags in a language I didn’t really speak. Even though I was well over the average height the train bunks were designed for, I managed to find a sleeping position and slip away from consciousness until around seven o’clock, when daylight filled the cabin and passengers and porters started making a commotion to disembark. I managed to get a fair night’s sleep and get a long trip out of the way at the same time- not bad.

The flip-side of the sleeper car coin was what I experienced when traveling to Shanghai, not half the distance to Beijing from where I was staying. My escort for that trip, Uncle Jiang, insisted on the sleeper train either to save money or because he illogically thought it would be a sensible trip to make overnight. I don’t know. Again, I was an illiterate, childlike observer when the tickets were being purchased. Sometime after one in the a.m., we boarded the train and made our way to our bunks. Less than five hours later, we were woken by the porter. I followed my escort as he tried to navigate the pre-dawn streets and bus terminals of Shanghai, feeling doubly grumpy from poor sleep and having to wait on my guide for unendurable amounts of time as he studied the wall map in desolate, not yet open bus stations. I suppose Uncle Jiang’s brain was just as foggy as mine was after our tease of a sleep.

But that sour experience was nothing compared to the worst long-distance travel I suffered not only in China, but so far in my short life. I have to preface this by saying I realize persecuted people around the world have been rounded up for train trips to prison camps and death camps, far worse than what I endured, so take my complaint for its relative worth. My description is vivid, not hyperbolic, and it was a truly awful experience, though not comparable to the worst trips ever suffered by human beings, as I admit. What makes this awful trip of mine noteworthy was how very typical it seemed to the Chinese people crammed into that train car with me, and how it wasn’t a cause of anger and outrage.

The pace and conditions of this car ride reminded me of news reports about jet planes grounded on the tarmac for hours on end with no food service or air conditioning, or cruise ships that lost engine power and became stranded at sea. Yet those instances are exceptions to otherwise fair to decent service. This fateful train trip of mine was routine, repeated by thousands every week as the only means of access to a famous tourist town in China. As passengers, we were jammed in like swine, but the rail company was transporting us for profit, under a pretense of customer service. None of it was forced; the passengers weren’t on that train as punishment. A business, generously subsidized by government funds, offered this terrible service, and the passengers took it because it was the only option they had or because they were so beaten down, made powerless by life in China, that they accepted it as an unchangeable inconvenience of life. I become so angry just thinking about this trip that I have to calm down and compel myself to write so that you, dear reader, might hear the full story.

For months, Chinese students and friends had been asking me if I had seen Yellow Mountain (Huangshan), “the most famous mountain in China.” I had never heard of it before coming to China, but every time someone queried me about what I had seen in China, they always asked about and recommended Yellow Mountain. “China has five famous mountains. But we say, ‘If you see Yellow Mountain, you do not need to see any other mountains.'”

A famous "waving tree" greeting visitors at Yellow Mountain.

A famous “waving tree” greeting visitors at Yellow Mountain.

Strangely, many of its advocates had never themselves been to Yellow Mountain, and I even spoke to several young residents of the town of Yellow Mountain (Huangshan City) who had never ventured to the nearby mountain range. I say strangely, but after living in China for a year it was the type of answer I came to expect.

“Have you seen Huangshan Yellow Mountain?”

“No. Have you?”

“No. I have no seen it.”

“But you live in Huangshan City.”

(Grinning silence)

Yellow Mountain, although a big regional draw, was connected to the rest of the Chinese railway system by a single rail line that ran only the slowest trains. I heard that Yellow Mountain was beautiful and scenic all year round; I chose to go in June, right after the spring semester had ended. Two eager students of mine arranged everything and accompanied me on the long weekend trip.

Boarding the train, I wasn’t clear how long the ride was supposed to last. I walked on and shimmied past all the people lounging in the entryway and by the bathroom (a hole in the floor, or more accurately a hole in a metal basin that emptied directly onto the tracks below. It was against the rules to use it while the train was stopped in a station, and I think it was one of the few rules obeyed by all). My student friends told me we had seats on our tickets (not everyone was so lucky), so we budged through the thick tangle of people standing in the aisles and took our very cramped seats on the bench seating. We were arm to arm and hip to hip in steamy summer weather. I battled the urge to panic. I was trapped with a table top pressing against the top of my lap, sitting tightly between two bodies, with no way out. I couldn’t move an inch in any direction.

Every time a new person sat down in the window seat, they tried in vain to push the window up higher. It had a catch so that it could only be opened a maximum of four inches. The train, I would estimate, moved at a top speed of 30-35 miles per hour and made twenty-minute stops at the many stations along the way, so the breeze filtering in from outside was hardly a relief.

One of the only ways to pass the time was watching the passing scenery. Here, a very common sight in China: multiple cranes at a high-rise apartment building project.

One of the only ways to pass the time was watching the passing scenery. Here, a very common sight in China: multiple cranes at a high-rise apartment building project.

Whenever we made one of our frequent stops, vintage fans of wire and metal would oscillate overhead, failing to counteract in the slightest the combined summer humidity and body heat. It was a vain show of providing desperately desired relief. As passengers boarded and disembarked, luggage was hoisted and dragged through the compact network of bodies that irksomely flowed around the moving passengers, then those riding on settled back into their standing positions.

On the way to Yellow Mountain, we began with an over-full load of passengers that slowly dwindled away at each station until we had a reasonable amount of space right before we reached the end of the line. To reach Yellow Mountain City took all day- we started before lunch and arrived after dark- and so we searched for a taxi to our hotel in the dark, pouring rain.

The mountain and surrounding areas were lovely and scenic as everyone intimated, though I wouldn’t agree with the boastful Chinese proverb that once a man had seen Yellow Mountain, he need not see any other mountain in China. The trip was filled with rainstorms, views of waterfalls, steep stone-stepped inclines that brought the legs to a halt, tea sales pitches, and winding bus rides.

A view of a stream running down a mount of Yellow Mountain. A scene from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was filmed here, so I had to repress thoughts of the badness of that movie to fully enjoy the scenic beauty.

A view of a stream running down a mount of Yellow Mountain. A scene from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” was filmed here, so I had to repress thoughts of the badness of that movie to fully enjoy the scenic beauty.

Huangshan in the rain. I really wanted to buy one of these extra wide farm hats, but the thought of shipping or hauling something that size prevented me.

Huangshan in the rain. I really wanted to buy one of these extra wide farm hats, but the thought of shipping or hauling something that size prevented me.

The tea sales presentation proved too much for my friend, Maxwell to sit through.

The tea sales presentation proved too much for my friend, Maxwell, to sit through.

Exhausted from climbing in wet shoes, sitting in wet shorts, and walking through shopping streets, my student friends and I made it back to the train station for our return trip, same as the first, but a whole lot hotter and a whole lot worse.

This time, my students hadn’t been able to procure seats. The train, being the only train out of Yellow Mountain, was too much in demand. But the cashiers don’t turn any buyers away, so we were one of many surplus passengers who would sit in a seat until the car became too full and a seat holder came to evict us from his spot. Then, we stood up, pressed together, holding our bags in hand, and leaned against the sides of the bench seats to balance ourselves. I had purchased a folding fan as a souvenir from Yellow Mountain (Huangshan) City’s shopping street; I used it to try and supplement the faint, scant breeze from the rotating overhead fans. I couldn’t stop waving the fan, the heat was so intense and there was no relief from the steamy summer heat by way of fresh air movement or the opening up of free standing room space.

Eventually, I realized my fanning was futile, and besides the sweat from my hand and the strain of the vigorous fanning were wearing out the fabric until it was close to tearing, so I gave up the battle and holstered my puny folding fan. Sweat streamed down my face and my shirt became plastered to my body. I was too hot and crowded to feel embarrassed, and it was clear that everyone else was suffering in that summer heat trap, too. It was like being in a sauna on a low heat setting and having the door handle break off when you wanted to exit. The only thing on everyone’s mind was the suffering. There was no comfort. We were reduced to our basest elements, physical bodies cooped up like animals. It would have been a dream to do as they do in India and ride on top of the train to feel the rush of the wind outside.

Or was the suffering on everyone’s mind? Throughout the trip, I noticed others chatting away, watching TV, or looking passive like a typical passenger.

I spent that trip as restless as an infant with an earache, unable to take my mind off the misery. I brought my e-reader along on the trip, so that was one small relief over the daylong journey. In my irritation, I struggled to keep my eyes on my reading, and for a half hour I distracted myself by watching an episode of “Friends” on my friend’s laptop (old “Friends” episodes were fashionable and popular in China, at least while I was there). Eventually, thankfully, that trip did end. It would be the worst of several terrible travel experiences in China.

Like I said, people have suffered far worse travels, so the only thing I consider especially remarkable about the overly-crowded, slow-moving hot boxes is that the people in China expected it. To them, it was normal.

"Maxwell, let's never ride that train again."

“Maxwell, let’s never ride that train again.”

The Real China- A Day in the Life

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Teaching English in China was never my life’s ambition. Going to China was part of it. So when people ask me if I want to teach or teach overseas as a career, I have an awkward time replying. I looked at English teaching as a condition to fulfill my adventures abroad, the most sensible way to get a visa and pay for my time. And, so I thought, I had an aptitude for English and teaching.

Sometimes a year spent as a foreign English teacher is referred to as a working holiday or gap year- something to do before transitioning to more higher education or a materially-minded career. I was not looking for a foreign holiday. I wanted life in a foreign culture. Full immersion. I signed my one-year teaching contract with the Chinese university then, not so much to further any teaching ambitions but to purchase one year on the outskirts of Chinese society.

As part of my contract, I was furnished with a university apartment. While the country of China is unbelievably crowded, my apartment was the most private space I’ve ever had to my name. A bedroom with a king-sized bed, a large living room, kitchen, bathroom, study, and sun room. I had too much space, really, with the down side being that my two wall-mounted air conditioners could not hope to cool the space in summer or heat it in the winter. In cold weather, I usually slept in my sweater and long underwear.

Not where I lived, but a building not unlike my apartment building. I think the units on top are water heaters.

Not where I lived, but a building not unlike my apartment building. I think the units on top are water heaters.

I lived on campus, in a building that was inhabited by the university president, vice presidents, the three other foreign teachers (two Australian English teachers and one Korean Korean teacher), and assorted faculty members. All of the university apartments were connected as row houses at the north end of campus. They, and all the other university buildings, were surrounded by a wall on all four sides. Unlike America, I saw no open campuses. Everything was contained, including hospitals, apartment complexes, and government buildings. Modern China, like its historical self, is very much a wall-building society. Security guards sat in booths by the gates, and while they were not checking for identification and credentials, (possibly Mongolians, who knows) they did keep an eye out and were familiar with the usual cars and faces passing through the gates. Cars had to at least honk to get the gate accordioned in, and taxi drivers had to explain who their fare was. Most of my class days, I would spend all of my time within the university’s walls.

I had class first thing at eight, so I would wake up most mornings at half past six. This was made easy because I could hear the activity of people outside beginning at sunup. Often, I would hear monks at the neighboring Buddhist temple or the city’s construction workers setting off fireworks to scare away evil spirits. Many students had adopted the morning routine of reciting their English homework or classroom lectures while pacing in the campus parks, pushing out words with the full force of their lungs. Sometimes, I could hear their voices from my fourth floor apartment. I could never understand the English recitations as I walked by, but I was always listening in, hoping to interject a witty reply to surprise the unwitting student.

Sliding out of bed, the first thing I would do each day was turn off the wall-mounted air conditioner in my room and turn on the unit in the adjoining living room. As I mentioned, my apartment was plenty big for one- China is large and populous but living space is not as crowded as the extremes of Japan- and my AC unit was continually failing at catching up to the ambient temperature and conditioning the air as advertised. I was told that it was recommended for homeowners not to run their air conditioners overnight or while they were out, and then only at a moderate level while they were home, but if I turned mine off in the morning, my apartment would be a hotbox when I returned for lunch.

Cityscape outside my aunt's apartment.

Cityscape outside my aunt’s apartment.

Like many questions of mine, it is still not very clear to me whether it was the local government minding citizens not to blast their AC’s, or if it was just sound, economical advice common to all. Considering all the blackouts my town went through, I imagine everyone must have felt obliged to minimize their air conditioner use, except of course outside temperatures are often unbearable and the body’s comfort must win out. In the winter, it did not matter how long I ran the same wall unit or how high I set it, it just could not heat the room up to a livable temperature. Getting out of bed, I wrapped my comforter around my shoulders to shuffle across the frozen floor to the bathroom. The only time I took off my winter coat was when I went to bed.

Some days, I would turn on the shower head or faucet, and it would vibrate violently and dribble out a little water, then stop. I learned to expect regularly losing my power and water service, but of course I never got used to it. Returning from a run outside in the sun, there was at least one instance where I was without running water, and instead of showering I had to blot my sweat off with thin hand towels. When I did shower, it was with a handheld shower head, standing in a corner next to the washer, with only a plastic curtain separating me from the rest of the bathroom.

Being without water also made it difficult to make breakfast. I could use water from the large water cooler in my living room, a common Chinese household appliance that was not actually cooled, but did have a hot water spout for tea or hot drinks. (The Chinese prefer hot water and claim it has better health benefits for the stomach.) In America, a quick breakfast for me would be cold milk and cereal, but China has no cold milk (the safest option was milk powder) and only the largest grocery chain stores had a small shelf of cereal boxes available. So, not usually having that, I might boil myself an egg or make some oatmeal in the morning. If not, I would pick something up in one of the school’s cafeterias.

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Dressed and ready to go with book bag in hand, I would step out of my apartment to make the daily walk to class. As soon as I opened that door, I lost all peace and stillness. I was leaving the serenity of my apartment for the noise and bedlam of China. Immediately, even in the stairwell, I would be faced with the ubiquitous dirt and neglect of a Chinese city. Accumulated dirt and litter settled on the stairs, and on the concrete walls were scrawled phone numbers and names in permanent maker and spray paint, advertising for local locksmiths and repairmen. The funny thing about the filth of my apartment stairwell was I lived in the same building as the university president- the conditions I walked past every day were as good as it got. After awhile I started wondering how all that trash got there if the list of suspects could be narrowed down to the university president, vice presidents, the four foreign teachers, and their guests. No cleaning service came by to sweep up in or around the apartments, so if I was tired of seeing the eyesore of litter, it was left to me to pick it up. I am not averse to clearing litter, but it seemed that I was going to be the only one among millions to do it. The general ruinous state of things meant it did not look like an individual effort would ever make a difference.

There was a narrow lane or alley between my building and the next row of apartments. It was filled with a long line of electric scooters, the basic transportation of many Chinese families. It was not rare for me to see a family of four making their morning commute on one of these light scooters- dad driving, mom holding a baby in her seat behind dad, and a small child standing up front in the foot well, her head poking out above the handlebars. I shuddered to think of these overloaded grocery getters being involved in an accident.

On my way to class, I would pass hundreds of students, seemingly much more people than I ever saw walking on an American university campus. I attributed the concentration of people to student housing and transportation- almost every student lived on campus, and none of them (to my knowledge) owned a car or drove to school. Also, Chinese college schedules had students attending classes from morning until evening, so there was the need to be out and about in the same central area.

I passed through many hordes of people on the campus pathway, then tried to sift through the unruly pile-up at every food counter of the cafeteria, or “canteen” as they called it. Knowing how foul and weak the food was, I questioned why students were “competing” (their word for aggressive behaviors), and also why I even bothered eating it. I suppose my answer is that it was quicker and easier than cooking my own meals three times a day.

Then I would pass the volleyball, badminton, and basketball courts- always full- and some tai chi groups, joggers, and outdoor ping-pong players playing around the school’s running track.

My destination was one of two buildings, both ungainly and large, with the older building having long, decrepit classrooms and the newer building having classrooms still dirty but not yet rundown, and my classrooms having unreliable or absent computer plug-ins and projectors. There were usually no dedicated classroom computers, not any that I could use, so I brought my laptop with me and struggled with student assistance to get it connected and projected onscreen. After minutes of fumbling around, I was not always successful, and so I had to swallow my frustration and improvise.

Sitting in with a favorite class. There were 5 or 6 male students and some others who didn't stick around for the picture.

Sitting in with a favorite class. There were 5 or 6 male students and some others who didn’t stick around for the picture.

The campus was always full of people, but it was a peaceful oasis compared to the city streets outside. Only occasionally a car would honk its way through a crowd of students or separate two friends holding hands. (Chinese friends have a charming habit where two men or two women would innocently walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm, without any sexual connotation or the American fear of having onlookers staring or jeering at them.)

Once I exited the school gates, my thoughts were drowned out by the barrage of car horns, scooter beeps, and three blast bursts of air horns from buses and trucks. Honking was repetitive and constant, and walking along or across the streets was a dangerous and intimidating prospect. There were days when I finished teaching my morning classes, and surprisingly still having energy after being ignored or looked at listlessly by 40-50 students for two hours, I would walk my chalk dust-covered self away from the quick and easy (and bad) meal at the cafeteria, and walk through the wild streets to a noodle shop or to the morning market.

Stepping outside the university’s west gate, the constant onslaught of pollution, people, and noise would intensify and my mind would be thrashing against the inundation of Chinese city culture. Vehicles would rush by- their drivers ready to kill me if I didn’t give way or group up with a mob of people to protect myself. Street dogs and occasionally chickens would wander across the busted up sidewalks. Garbage and dirt and food slop would collect wherever the wind blew, and an every-directional parade of people streamed all around me.

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Survivors of the street scene could make their way to the morning market, where local farmers set their vegetables and animals out on tables and tarps for display. I stayed away from the meat- which came in the form of a butchered-before-your-eyes live animal or, if already processed, sat out on a table or meat hook so the flies and sunlight could pick it over. I would buy eggs and the kinds of vegetables I recognized, knowing that I could rinse them off and be as safe eating them as the circumstances of China would allow.

If I had to sum up the difference between American culture and Chinese in one example, I would point to a morning walk through a crowded, chaotic street and buying produce from an old farmer squatting on the pavement, or buying fish from the woman who killed and cleaned them on her tarp in a pool of blood, mud, and street filth splashed up from passersby’s shoes. Going through this daily ritual will open a Westerner’s eyes and shake his soul.

Morning Market

Morning Market

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Street Market

Street Market

On a day when I needed to travel to a neighboring town, I would either foolishly trust my life to a taxi and split the maniacal driver’s fare with three other passengers (40 yuan total meant 10 yuan/$1.50 per passenger), or I would go to the city bus station and rely on the slower but safer public transportation. Buses, being biggest, were bosses of the road, and they honked and drove however they pleased, in the same way the largest fish moves how they please through the ocean. Everyone else had to give way. As my friend Hui explained, green traffic lights were a contest of speed, size, and daring.

After lunch, I would return to my apartment to take a nap, the same as most everyone else was taking a nap, then shake off sleep to go teach my afternoon classes, work on my lesson plans for the upcoming week, or enjoy the free time by reading or going on my computer. Not too often did I seek a free-roaming adventure outside the campus walls. There were times I went running through the country roads and farm villages, but I preferred to stay away from the harrying conditions of the city streets and enjoy whatever peace I could find. It was nice to see people walking, chatting, exercising, playing with their child or grandchild, or studying outside. I preferred it to American life lived inside and in cars, and after all I did come to China to see and experience the daily scenes of a Chinese city.

I relished the sense of it all, yet I was an outsider, always a step removed from complete immersion, being foreign to the language and culture. And, I lacked the fortitude to expose myself non-stop. Being a silent observer tossed around by a tumultuous environment had me seeking out my own space.

My daily life was lived in crowds, lonely and alone. I would walk through the aging school buildings and wonder if I was the only one offended by the overpowering, wafting smell of the bathrooms, or depressed by the sight of food wrappers and other trash on the aging tile floors and crumbling desks. I knew that a Chinese school didn’t have the money to refurbish the worn-out flooring, curtains, cabinets, computers, and desks of their dilapidated buildings, but I thought at least the people could be conservative and care for what they did have. But I seemed to be the only one, not just to be born outside the culture, but to notice the culture for what it was. Everyone else took for granted the barred doors of every school and apartment building, the complete absence of heating systems for classrooms in the frigid winter months, and the need for students to carry around a thermos, fill it up at the campus hot water shop, and leave it outside in a group of other thermoses when they went into the campus convenience store. I was the only one who stared at the “natural” sight of a child using my apartment’s street as his public toilet. No one else had nostalgia for absent songbirds, squirrels, or blue skies. They were accustomed to living under the yellow-gray haze. Living under a China sky would break my spirit and teach me to expect the same.

The Real China: Predictions

A table full of plates at a Chinese wedding.

A table full of plates at a Chinese wedding.

Continued from The Real China: Preparations

Strange Food
From the opinions of my fellow trainees in New York, and from various voices online, I gained the sense that Chinese food was beloved only by the Chinese. I imagined a bland and unappetizing mix of foods that should not go together or be prepared the way the people liked to prepare them. I imagined unidentifiable foods in gray sauces, or all kinds of crawling creatures and animals laid out in an exotic and intimidating spread, like from a film set.

The truth was not far off, yet not so horrific. I will illustrate with a story from my English class in New York.

A fellow teacher-trainee gave the students a pamphlet to read about a farm that cared for abandoned animals and “food animals.” One student asked, “What is a food animal?”

The teacher said, “You know… cows, chickens, pigs… any animal that can be eaten as food.”

The one Chinese student in the class responded dryly to the teacher’s comment, “Every animal is a food animal.”

Chinese tastes differ depending on region, and every individual has preferences and dislikes (some as finicky as a picky diner in America or wherever), but in Chinese cuisine, all food options are very much on the table.

Turtle soup. I was expected to eat the chewy rim of the shell. Seriously.

Turtle soup. As a guest, I was expected to eat the chewy rim of the shell. Seriously.

I didn’t think this would bother me, I tried to reason that dog and cat were animals and fit for food just like the rest, but when I saw my first red flesh-covered canine skull, I winced, and I had to turn away from the skinned dog carcass hanging upside-down in the morning market.

In China, I saw that food was often bought in the streets, from local vendors who brought their produce into town to sell on tarps they laid out in the roads and sidewalks. Or, if selling chickens, ducks, or geese, the birds were tied up with a strip of plastic strung around one ankle, held in cages, or possibly set on top of the cage or laid down in a pile on the street.

The markets were a free-form zoo of people, fruits, vegetables, live fish and fowl, crabs, crawdads, clothes, dogs (usually the live kind, wandering the streets), pet birds, and the interweaving traffic of motorcycles, honking cars, and tractors. Some markets gathered under the roof of a permanent shelter, which meant no cars or tractors and only rarely a motor scooter. A few city employees would come by every afternoon to hose off the pavement and sweep up the broad swaths of refuse, but their effort was never equal to the size and staggering smell of the mess.

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And that is how I saw most people buy their daily groceries in China. They would also make trips to the supermarkets and department stores, of course, and in those the produce and meat sections could be just as wild. There would be rows of tanks for fish, turtles, frogs, crustaceans, eels, and other sea creatures (the “Seafood” and “Pets” sections in Chinese Wal-Mart overlap) and they would often be set up in stair-step levels so hoses could transfer water between them. Raw meat would be sitting out on a counter, uncovered and undated. In the streets, I saw sides of beef hanging over the side of a motorcycle truck and dragging along the pavement with its bloody tip. Also, in the street markets, cuts of red meat were suspended on hooks for sale, being picked over by the flies as they awaited a buyer.

Next to the live seafood and raw meat in the supermarkets were the dried meats and sausages. Whole ducks and geese were strung up by the neck, their flattened bodies displaying all their ribs and the dried flesh that clung to them.
I’m sure my Chinese hosts had no idea what was going through my mind when I walked with them through the markets. I often wished I could bring my mother (who will not eat whole fish because she doesn’t want her food looking at her) and my grandmother on an entertaining tour through the food markets, but I think they would become nauseous or faint. A Chinese food market is the quickest way to open a Westerner’s eyes to life outside the modern world.

Networking
China is known for having a collectivist culture, for children fervently serving their parents in reverent, Confucian obedience, for its zealous advance of the Chinese communist state, and also for its intricate network of social relationships.

The Chinese/Mandarin word for these relationships and social power is guanxi (pronounced gwan-shee, so I’ll write it out gwan-shee since I’m writing in English). In my research, I read that gwan-shee was big on the Chinese mind, and no business could be done without it. I read of foreigners coming up against roadblocks when going to the bank or city government office and being dumbfounded that no one would process their forms. The inconveniences were not an absolute policy; each place handled things differently and business often proceeded without a hitch. Still, strangers needed a mediator to introduce them to business contacts and government officials; without the social connections they would remain powerless.

This brick wall of apathy and willful ignorance plagued the local citizens, too.

When I talked with college students, I heard from them the saying that besides the results of the national college placement test (which is determined by a score tabulated by machines and faceless strangers), nothing in China was fair. If you needed a medical procedure done right away in a good hospital, you had better know the doctor or have plenty of cash to grease the social gears. I was very lucky to know Aunt Fong and always have her or a representative from my university’s Department of Foreign Affairs to escort me. Not only did they translate the language for me, they cleared the social hurdles and introduced me to the right people.

I was on the bad end of gwan-shee, too. Before my first day of teaching, I met with a bunch of teachers and government officials as they all sat around smoking and chatting. Then we had a big celebratory dinner. I found out that the meeting was between my employers at the university and the head officials of the local middle school. The university had agreed to split my teaching hours with the middle school, so I would spend the first semester teaching half of my hours at each. This turned into a nightmare, as the middle school gig involved me worthlessly straining to get 50 unwilling pupils to listen and speak, usually making a fool of myself and wasting my breath. Later, I became privy to the knowledge that the university officials were not happy with my middle school duties either, but because the head of the middle school was a powerful man with gwan-shee connections all over town, they were helpless to stop it.

After reflecting on the Chinese way and comparing it to others, I don’t think the gwan-shee system is radically unlike any other society’s way of doing business, it is only more pronounced. They assume the power of social relationships from the get-go and discuss it out in the open, whereas other nations might delude themselves that private affairs are all work and talent-based, and public systems are all equal access. I think people everywhere could agree that that is the way that things should be, but our world is not so neat or fair. Or, as they say in China, only the gaokao is fair.

People Mountain, People Sea
The Chinese idiom for their phenomenon of crowded cities is “people mountain, people sea.” I remember, as a university student taking a class on China, when my professor announced that his home country’s official population had surpassed 1.3 billion people. That figure was astounding. How could I comprehend it? What did it look like? How did 1.3 billion people translate into a daily reality? I had read about mega-cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen, but what did it feel like to take the subway in these cities or walk the streets? Was it possible to find peace and quiet? Was there personal space?

"Has anyone seen my personal space? No? That's okay, I'll just keep milling about until I find it."

“Has anyone seen my personal space? No? That’s okay, I’ll just keep milling about until I find it.”

I didn’t have a concrete expectation of what it would be like, but I knew it would be congested. I found out that the presence of crowds was a constant in Chinese life. Note that I stayed mostly near the East Coast; the further one travels west in China, the more rural and open it is. The daily reality of crowds, like the pollution, was an inescapable and unwelcome hassle impinging on every aspect of life.

In my hometown in Iowa, I can walk downtown or walk across town and cross paths only with cars on major streets and- maybe- see a few people also on the sidewalk, here and there, or out in their yards if the weather is nice. Even then, people are only outside to walk their dogs, go running, or do yard work. Almost no one goes out on foot for basic transportation. A select few go by bike instead of car, but this has caught on only with a thin-slice of the population because the majority wouldn’t be caught dead walking into a store with a bike helmet on, not to mention tight black shorts and clunky riding shoes. And, why forsake the car, that ultimate conveyor of convenience?

Of course, the situation in the U.S. is different depending on where you live, but I think the large majority of cities are less like Manhattan and more like my hometown- desolate except for cars.

In China, and I mean the full thrust of this hyperbole, people were everywhere. Imagine the United States’ population was increased fivefold and most everyone lived in a dingy apartment complex, except it was 90% less cars and many thousand times more motor scooters- that is China. The first time I went to the Carrefour department store nearest to my apartment in China, it was a typical Sunday afternoon The aisles were more congested than any stateside Wal-Mart I had ever seen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Carrefour only provided small, half-sized shopping carts because it would have been nearly impossible to pivot and turn a large one through the stream of people in every aisle. It became exhausting being in the midst of it, my eyes could never rest from scanning the people walking past me, and I was constantly turning my head and stepping out of the way.

Note that, even though I checked my blind spots and gave way or walked around other shoppers, the courtesy was not returned. If you are standing between a Chinese shopper (or pedestrian) and the thing they want, they will push you. Standing in a supermarket aisle, scanning the shelves for the best produce, a Chinese shopper would butt in front of me or slip in and grab their choice without saying a word to excuse themselves or acknowledge my presence. For anyone offended that wants to argue, “Not all Chinese people do that!” I have to say that pushy people pushing people was the rule and not the exception. They pushed like pigs at a feeding trough whenever there was a line or bottleneck. When I tried eating at the school cafeteria in my university, I had to vent my frustrations in the crush of students vying for the server’s attention by sarcastically asking myself if Titanic were sinking behind us.

Walking the same as they drove, the Chinese would only look at what was immediately, directly in front of them. Anything outside that five-foot cone of vision was ignored, meaning that even if I could have reasonably expected passersby to walk around me as I stood to the side of the main path and gave way, I learned from experience that boorish men would regardless still shoulder into me, and at times a thin, bossy woman might still shove me in the kidneys from behind.

Besides my apartment, there was no personal space and there were almost no private places of solitude. Often, when young Chinese students approached me to ask a question, they would lean against the side of my arm, or they would stand so close to my face that I could smell the bitter tea they had for breakfast. If I went outside for exercise or a leisurely walk by the river, I would be joined by hundreds of others who were also fleeing cramped apartments for exercise.

The Chinese, as a people, were diligent about exercise and took responsibility for their own health (not without necessity; they could not all expect quality medical care), so it was refreshing and somewhat inspiring to see so many exercise groups meeting in public places. Again, just like everywhere else, this meant park spaces got heavy use and one could expect to find crowds there daily. Only during afternoon nap time did public places clear out.

Joining an outdoor kung-fu club for "push hands" practice.

Joining an outdoor kung-fu club for “push hands” practice.

Even when the skies were filled with the dark clouds of the local farmers’ straw burning, I saw people on the running track, on the exercise equipment, and on the basketball courts. I wondered how so many people could tolerate the noxious air outside, but the odds were that even though the outside was filled with people, nine out of ten were probably taking shelter inside.

Conclusion
Truly, nothing would have completely prepared me for immersion in China. I would have to endure it- the bad and the bizarre- every day. And, in a way, that was the intent. To leave the familiar and be confronted with different ways of doing everything. I find it an irresistibly fascinating thought that other nations of people have grown up and built a civilization without any similar foundations in Western thought, belief, customs, language, or practice, and only anciently sharing culture and technology with foreign cultures through trade or conquest. But times have changed. Since opening its doors in the 1970’s and embracing modernization, China has been eager to adapt and (what’s a euphemism for copy and steal?) um, appropriate foreign business practices and technology. Outsiders like me are welcomed.

I went to China somewhat expecting everyone to be wearing gray cotton jackets and chanting Maoist liturgy, so I was a little stunned to see so many “Angry Birds” t-shirts. American culture has spread far and wide, even to China, either by way of capitalist trading or by Chinese larceny. Much of the Middle Kingdom was familiar because I had already seen the original t-shirt or television show in America, and much was familiar because an apartment building can’t vary all that much in essence from place to place.

Still, making a parallel between similar facts of life between China and the United States (e.g. food, crowds, school buildings, driving a car, any of the topics in my writing) is like stepping in front of a fun-house mirror. The reflected image is real, but it is warped.

Now that I’ve discussed the things I expected and my blood is heated after thinking of the aggressive stampedes of people, I would like to turn the focus next onto some real situations in China that I never anticipated.

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